It was touch and go for almost a week before the Road Rally. Let me back up. Taxi.com is a major on-line A&R service that shops your songs to TV, Film, music libraries etc. It costs about $300 to join and the annual 3-day conference is included for free. I joined some months ago and thought it was too good to be true. But all the forum comments looked really positive and I thought I’d give it a shot. All it cost me (aside from lost time and income from work) was the plane fare and hotel expenses. I had a major meeting in Israel the week before and had just 3 days to catch up before setting off to L.A.. My wife returned from Israel with some terrible virus that just wreaked havoc with fever and cough and general unwellness. I figured that if she didn’t improve, I was going to have to cancel my trip.
Well…that was interesting. On the one hand I felt guilty for feeling resentful that she might be the reason for my cancelling. On the other hand, I think I had a secret wish that if I did cancel, I could blame it on someone else. I would be relieved of having to come down to L.A. alone, not knowing what to expect, vulnerable as usual as any struggling musician and it wouldn’t appear that I had chickened out (no offence to chickens). I love my wife and only want what is best for her. But boy, if I’m really honest with myself, what a lot of ugly feelings and thoughts permeate my soul from time to time. Vulnerable…I never really understood it before.
